there's a hole in my heart where you left me. i miss you. i wish you were here. i wish you would tell me that it's okay, that this is just the first time and i'd do better. i wish you were here to console me, to encourage me to work harder. i know that even if you were disappointed, you wouldn't give up. you would press me on, telling me that i can do it. i wish you were still around. i really do.
i'm scared. scared of what's going to happen next. lately, i've finally taken off the bandage of my wound and allowed it to heal. it's not working. i'm scared of recovering. scared of having to live a different life all over again. right now, i'm even more scared of further disappointing the one that loves and dotes on me the most. i don't mean to do you wrong. but i tried. and when trying your best is not good enough, what other means of consolation do you have? i'm so afraid. afraid of you losing hope in me, afraid of the disappointment and the dismay that i will see, afraid of everything. anything. maybe the thing i'm afraid of most, is losing you. losing your faith in me, your confidence and trust in me, and your love for me. i don't want that to happen. i don't want to lose anymore. i had enough of the people i love the most, being taken away from me. i'm so scared so unprepared so lost so alone.
mummy i need you.
