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19 Apr.
Out of the blue, you called me up & we started chatting. Okay, nothing wrong right? It happens once in a while, you get bored and I entertain you. That's that. Fine, fair enough for friends. Then you started telling me weird things - mind you, who was the one who said he was interested in me? In case you don't remember, I never ever said I liked you romantically or any way more than just friends. I did say that it wasn't IMPOSSIBLE, but did I ever say I liked you? NO. So why the fuck have you gone around telling people, or peopleS, that I said I liked you? In particular, you said I was the one who liked you & CONFESSED to you first, then we got together. WHAT THE FUCK?
"She say she like me first, then I also like her, then like that together."
FUCK THAT SHIT.
My bestest friends know - Wj, Nana. And of course the protagonist - YOU. You asked me that night, and I said that I'LL THINK ABOUT IT, & I'LL TRY. And I only gave you an answer like, 3 days later? On 23rd. DO YOU REMEMBER NOW? Or are you so caught up in your lies that you totally forgot the truth?
I swear, all I said was that in GENERAL, I liked you as a FRIEND. C'mon, we've known each other for long, if I didn't like you would we still be friends? And there you went - twisting my words and changing my intention to that of putting you in a good light. Correction - making yourself seem WANTED. Can you get more ego than that? Are you that fucking deprived?
Fuck your lies. I had enough of trying to fight with my conscience - you don't deserve no shit from me.
That's not all.
23 Apr - 31 May.
Yes, I might not have been an entirely perfect girlfriend. You know it yourself - it's because I didn't love you. YOU KNEW IT. But still, I fucking tried. I kept my word to you that I would try, because I trusted you. All that crap that you said about being serious, I trusted you. I thought that for once, you weren't going to risk a friendship this important. But now - I guess it's all just a matter of your desperation.
To think I trusted you, and that I felt so guilty that I couldn't even MAKE myself like you, and I felt so wrong that I was with someone whom I didn't like at all. And all that pressure you put on me, you made it seem like I was in the WRONG not to like you. Fuck. Think about it - did you even give two shits about me? You were more concerned about yourself - telling me things like, "I just want to feel loved." And I was so stressed - the pressure of trying to make it work because a friendship is at stake - and you just say, "I just want to feel loved." How fucking selfish is that? Besides that, all that trying to get me to RANK you in my guys friends list and all that fuck. Pressing me to tell you about my previous relationships and what I did with those guys - on the pretext of "I'm your boyfriend leh, why cannot tell me?"
CAN YOU RECALL NOW? In your mind, is it still a matter of ME, begging for your attention? Is it so? It's not all about you. Fucking hell, I had enough of all the insult you caused.
If that wasn't enough, I only found out about the shit you did AFTER the break-up. To think that I was still guilty of not trying hard enough to make it work, of letting you down as a friend, of 'cheating' you becuz I felt nothing. TO THINK I HAD A CONSCIENCE.
You deserve nothing - nothing more than this.
You told me you were being a good boyfriend by not going swimming with Chermaine whatever-her-name-is. You told me that you didn't feel it was right since you had a girlfriend. I didn't even say anything, restrict you whatsoever to go out with her. When you said you were going to STUDY with her, I knew it wasn't that simple. But I didn't stop you. Because you said you knew your limits. I CHOSE to trust you - because I wanted to try and make it work so to not lose our friendship if all fails. Mind you, do you think it's easy to make that choice? And what did you do?
You went out with her and fucking kissed her.
AND CAME AROUND AND TOLD ME THAT YOU KNEW HOW TO BEHAVE. Behave like what? A fucking desperate bastard? Honestly, I don't care if you had feelings for her or not, MY own feelings aren't at stake anyway - you know I don't give a shit becuz I feel nothing. But the matter here now is that - you don't even fucking RESPECT ME. Even if you had no feelings for me (which I know is the case), can you do better as a PERSON? I WAS YOUR FRIEND even if you didn't take me seriously as a girlfriend. (No offence taken - it's mutual.) And you just went ahead and cheated on my trust, not my feelings, my TRUST. What now? Are you thinking about more lies?
Adding on to that, you went around BOASTING that you kissed her. CAN YOU BE MORE DISGUSTING THAN THAT? Do you think it's something to be proud of - cheating on your girlfriend? Do you even respect me as a girlfriend, as a friend, as a PERSON? Don't forget - you told me you had nothing to do with her, no feelings, and that you were "loyal." HAHAHA. Fuck that shit. I can't believe I trusted your lies. I can't believe it.
That crap about being RESTRICTED that you had a girlfriend. I couldn't believe what I heard. To me, you made it sound as if I was in the wrong coz you were being so 'nice'. When i doubted your sincerity, your truthfulness, you made it seem as though it was me being paranoid. Then you turned your back and told others that you were 'RESTRICTED'. Ha, I didn't know it was so hard to be with me - seriously. I didn't know. I thought I was the one having the tougher job doing that!
I should have known. He was right - I asked for it. I just thought I would try, because a friendship is at stake. And I wanted to trust that it would work out, if I tried. But I was wrong. To trust you, is leading myself onto the trap. The things you have done, the lies you have said. You have insulted me in the worst possible way. You have insulted my judgement. You have insulted my reputation. You have insulted ME.
To think I felt guilty - I should have never battled my consicence.
Friends? Ha.
Do friends respect one another?
It's not about cheating - It's about respect. It's about morals. It's about what's right, and what's entirely dismissable. I never felt so much anger, disappointment, insult at the same time. Now I know what kind of person you are. I should have believed what they said. I didn't want to make such a big hoo-ha out of it, until I heard everything that you did behind my back. I'm not going to take it lying down. I deserve more that that. Those lies you fabricated - those other things that I didn't mention. You know very well yourself what you did.
I hope people see what really is of you. I know I am not the only one who despises your actions so far. I know I am not the only one who are so put off by you. I know I am not alone. I do not pity you, at all. You deserve whatever people are saying about you. You deserve what they think of you. You deserve what they see you as.
But I don't. And I'm not going to let you depreciate me. Never.
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Off t Shanghai in 2 hours. Not contactable unless I want to be contacted by you. Bye people.
Luv.
